Compiled according to the teachings of the Master
Author: Fafu
The Delusional Series: Part 2 – The Fabric of Sensations1
（Middle）
Your mind, with its delusions, weaves intricate patterns of thought that are inseparable from feelings. When you received that garment as a gift, the accompanying feeling was one of goodness. This positive emotion propelled you to give generously and confidently, believing you were offering your best. In this moment, both the act of giving and the underlying feeling of goodness were amplified.
However, when the recipient was in need and you were unable to provide, feelings of resentment arose. This resentment, when directed towards the recipient, intensified and gave rise to negative emotions. Even if your initial act of giving was motivated by compassion and generosity, the delusions of your mind transformed it into something entirely different.
These delusions are characterized by feelings, impulses, and the defilements of greed, hatred, delusion, arrogance, and doubt. Your mind begins to fabricate narratives based on these feelings. For instance, the feeling of greed when you lack something is contrasted with the feeling of generosity when you give. When you experience greed, you become dissatisfied and resentful. This resentment leads to anger and unhappiness, making it impossible to perceive the positive qualities of others. At such moments, all negative thoughts and emotions surface, and your mind begins to weave a complex web of negativity.
Therefore, it is difficult to pinpoint the exact moment when greed arises or when resentment stems from a lack of greed.
When the garment I desired was missing, having been taken by another, I became filled with resentment and arrogance. I believed that to fully express myself, I needed to wear that specific outfit at the factory. Your actions had prevented me from showcasing my true self, thus hindering my ability to cultivate arrogance. Doubt also arose, as I wondered if you had taken the garment without any intention of wearing it. This caused me great mental anguish, as I felt my possessions were not being cherished or appreciated.
Thus, within these delusions, I intertwined the defilements of greed, hatred, delusion, arrogance, and doubt. I also began to fabricate past events to support my negative emotions.
To follow one’s feelings is to be swayed by the defilements of greed, hatred, delusion, arrogance, and doubt. Without these defilements, one cannot truly assess whether a feeling is positive or negative. For example, if there is no greed, there is no basis for comparison, and thus, no concept of satisfaction or dissatisfaction. However, when greed is unfulfilled, it gives rise to hatred, arrogance, or doubt. These are all products of one’s feelings.
One might think, “I feel good about myself. I am no worse than you, and perhaps even better.” Or, “If you want this garment so badly, why don’t you buy it yourself?” Such thoughts and actions lead to a decline in one’s appearance, fortune, wisdom, and other positive qualities. The relationship between individuals deteriorates, transforming from a state of harmony to one of indifference or hostility.
It is baffling how quickly a deep connection can be severed. This is the result of relying on delusions and following feelings that are driven by the defilements of greed, hatred, delusion, arrogance, and doubt. When one is greedy, they may seek out various objects or experiences. Conversely, when greed is absent, one may still be compelled to seek out these things for other reasons.
One might engage in generosity at a particular moment because they do not need a certain object at that precise time. However, this state of non-attachment is transient. There is no guarantee that the same non-attachment will persist in the next moment. Therefore, even a virtuous act can potentially give rise to future negative consequences.
This cyclical pattern of good and bad actions is a fundamental aspect of the human condition. Through constant contemplation and analysis of our thoughts and actions, we can see how these mental states foster resentment, blame, and hatred. They also have the power to both cultivate and destroy relationships.
When good deeds lead to subsequent negative consequences, individuals often find themselves blaming their past actions. They lament, “Why did I try to be so good? I’ve only ended up harming myself.” However, it’s important to recognize that even those initial “good deeds” were motivated by deluded perceptions and impulsive actions. Therefore, even acts of compassion and generosity, if tainted by these defilements, will eventually lead to suffering. Once one becomes entangled in this cycle of karma, it is extremely difficult to break free. These actions, driven by delusions, sensations, and impulsiveness, are inherently destructive. To attain true liberation, one must transcend these afflictions.
