The moment you judge — something good slips away
When you criticize someone — whether in your mind or out loud to others — you instantly push away everything good, wise, and capable within that person. It’s not a gradual fading; in that very moment, their positive qualities are repelled from you. The more you judge or speak ill of someone, the less likely you are to absorb, learn from, or even come close to their strengths.
Every person carries virtues. But if we make a habit of picking at the flaws of those around us and broadcasting their shortcomings, each time we do so, we’re actively rejecting something valuable. Over time, little by little, all the good slips away, while the negatives pile up inside us.
What this looks like in practice
Trying to make up for it later is incredibly hard. The wisest protection is simply never to start down that path.
A Different Way to Respond When You Notice a Fault
The teaching offers a surprising and transformative approach
So what do we do when we genuinely see someone’s unskillful behavior — something that disturbs or irritates us?
The answer is this: repent on their behalf.
This doesn’t mean pretending not to notice, nor suppressing your feelings. Instead, it turns the very act of “seeing” into an inward practice. You recognize:
“I see this habit, this fault — and I know it’s something common in the human heart. I am willing to repent for it on behalf of this person, for myself, and for everyone who shares this same tendency.”
How do you actually do it?
You can bow sincerely before a Buddha image and offer repentance with full attention. Or simply sit quietly and repent in your heart. The form isn’t rigid — what matters is the orientation: not dwelling on what they did wrong, but actively working to dissolve that root affliction — for them, for you, for all.
The more faults you notice in others, the more you repent in this way, the cleaner your own mind becomes.
A Reflection for the Path
When you notice something that troubles you in another person, try pausing and asking yourself:
Is this truly their fault — or is this a chance for me to turn inward?
Can I repent on their behalf, on my own behalf, on behalf of everyone who carries this same habit?
What is this moment asking me to release?
When we learn instead to turn “seeing a fault” into “repenting on their behalf,” everything changes. The person who once disturbed us becomes — without knowing it — a hidden helper on our path.
This isn’t avoiding reality. It’s meeting it with compassion and wisdom. And there, true freedom begins.
Do not only see the fault.
See instead — the opening.
Turn inward,
repent sincerely,
and watch what quietly blooms.
May all beings be at ease.